I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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