Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
