I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
