Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize