you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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