so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My pussy is not your playground.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize