Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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