She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
