just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
