there's paper in my vomit.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
