apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
