jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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