the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
