Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
