You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
