i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
