I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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