Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
