I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize