I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
