This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
