They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
