I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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