I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
