New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
