Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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