people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
