You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
