On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So gin and wine won't be happening again
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
