Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
