It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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