There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I want is dick and wine.
You don't make any sense
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