The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
