i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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