if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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