we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
