I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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