theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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