Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
