That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
