This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
