She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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