Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize