I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
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