I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
