Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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