you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
