it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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