I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
