hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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