capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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