i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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