girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
