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My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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