I'm laying in your front yard are you home
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
