How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
