Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
