Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
