Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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