Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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