My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
