u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
