is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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