I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
