i think my tv is drunk
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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