I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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