Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
