I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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