Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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