i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
