I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
