New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
