I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
