I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
