you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
