Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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