I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
