i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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