the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i think im in europe. pls send help
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
