I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
