I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
