The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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