I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
