we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
