Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
