We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
