so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize