Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
