i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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