i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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