Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
