this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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