she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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