Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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