hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
